12 days

It seems like every song I listen to these days makes me think of home. I tend to cry more often than I should. And even though I’m sure I am counting the days accurately, the number seems to be growing.

I can’t wait for my Mom to get here. This is my world. My own little Gringa, Benemérito experience. And some one else will get to see it. Even though the experience is all my own. It always will be. It will be remembered in Blog posts, photographs, numerous emails home, journal entries, supportive notes from friends, my Spanish scriptures, class notebooks, and a terrible Mexican accent.

I have gained an even greater appreciation recently of how much I love life.

Following Claire's Example

I was asked to sing a solo in Stake Conference (I pretty much get asked to sing for EVERYTHING. It will be a pretty rude awakening when I get home and I remember that my best friends and my younger sisters are one thousand times better than me. Actually, not a rude awakening. An amazing blessing.)

I wanted to sing I Know That My Redeemer Lives, but the arrangement I had picked up, the director ended up robbing to have the choir sing. Not a big deal. It just gave me five days to find a song.

My mother who has been so helpful every step of the way quickly sent me any arrangements she could find that would work in Spanish. As I sang them for the director, she chose the one that my darling and talented little sister had sung just weeks earlier "Mando A Su Hijo."

I was kind of nervous about singing in Spanish, especially because I memorized the words the night before as I was drifting off to sleep, but as we practiced that morning, all my nerves went away, and the choir was amazed by the beautiful arrangement.

The closing prayer was said to end an amazing conference (Let me remind myself one more time how BLESSED I am. Of all the millions of people in this world, I was chosen to have this experience. I love the Lord.) And I was handed the microphone at the top of the bleachers (it was in the gym...that's how big our stake is). As the rest of the choir sat, I remained standing, obviously calling attention to myself, and then proceeded to very, very awkwardly stumble down the bleachers. The mike wasn't on at first, but as soon as it was, the room went quiet and all eyes turned to me. Because I was singing postlude, the people who were getting up to leave, stopped right in front of me and turned.

I don't think I have ever been so nervous.

And then, there is this tendency in Mexican culture to videotape everything. In the middle of Stake Conference, everyone who was listening to me sing, pulled out their cell phone and pointed it right at me. I'll admit it was something I wasn't prepared for. However, God blessed me to bring his Spirit and I was able to follow in my sister's example.

TEMBLOR!!!!!!!!

I am reading The Host by Stephanie Meyer. Although it's ridiculously long, I refused to read another in the Twilight Series and I wasn't in the mood to try and stomach Shakespeare.

I pulled it out to read in Psychology class today when we were discussing the effects of drugs on learning(plus, it's really catching my attention) and as I turned the page the words began shaking. I tried to get my eyes to focus, but then all of a sudden I started getting lightheaded as well. It felt a little like the motion sickness I get in elevators and the car sickness I get when I am driving with my grandparents.

I looked up at Karina, who was sitting across from me, and she was apparently feeling the same thing. Her eyes got wide and she screamed "TEMBLOR!"

As I looked around I saw the room start swaying back and forth and the ground shook beneath my feet. It took me a while to realized what was happening. Even in the small earthquakes I have been in before, I had never actually felt one.

Once I got regained my senses, I realized that the majority of my class had already run out the door. I followed like a Zombie, afraid I would fall down if I stood up.

As soon as we were all outside, the motion sickness subsided a little bit, but I did put my head between my knees "in jest." It really wasn't that bad, but it's the first I've ever felt and was sure a shocker.

I figured it was worthy of the blog.

Recent Accomplishments.

Sorry I don't have time for a creative title or a well written story, but I am sitting in the library with my fifteen minute time-limit almost up and figured I owed you a blog.

1) I spoke in Church on Sunday. Yes, in my student ward. And YES, in Spanish. Ten Minutes, Baby. I nearly cried when the Bishop told me what my topic would be: "Families can be Together Forever" (Familias pueden ser eternas). As I was preparing, I kept getting the impression, you need to talk about Erin. I distracted myself by preparing a huge amount of doctrinal stuff, that was very deep, and as I practiced, talked for over ten minutes, without even getting to Erin. I figured I would be okay. And then, when I got up to the stand to speak (my wonderful, supportive gramma staring up at me), I felt prompted to NOT go into the doctrine. And then I cried. But I trust that I said what God wanted me to say, even if I still don't know Why. Maybe these people needed to see that I'm human. Maybe this was the best way to give my heart to them.

2) Yesterday, I went to my first Basketball practice. I nearly died. A few weeks ago, the coach came up to me and asked me to be on the team. I told him that I didn't know how to play and would be leaving in a month. He said that he didn't care if I didn't know how to play, or even if I wasn't an athlete, he recognized my enthusiasm and positive attitude: "I can teach you how to play, but it's much harder to teach someone attitude. You've got that. And that's enough for me, even if you can only come for a week, my team could learn from you." Yesterday, when we started out practice, he surprised me by lecturing the team about how good of a person I am, and how he recognized my enthuiasm. No pressure right. That's okay, I'm learning. Maybe by the time I come home I'll be able to shoot a free throw....:)

3) Thinking about coming home.

a) One thing I have been thinking about, is the ridiculous amount of clothes I have in my closet. I have basically been living out of a broom closet the past four months (four months exactly tomorrow), and wearing a uniform to school. I'm not a very decisive person anyway. How I ever learned to choose what I was going to wear everyday....I have no idea. And now I have to somehow reteach myself.

b) I learned how to make Salsa. All the different kinds. I'm making a recipe book. Hopefully, I will still remember what the food words mean in English. And will be able to find them in the Grocery Store.

c) I miss you! [Times up for today. 21 days left (three weeks exactly), but my mom comes even sooner!!!!]

Balance

I really didn't think it would ever happen. I only have five months here, and I have myself pretty well established here as the gringa who doesn't want a novio.

But, it happened. I went on my first Mexican date.

Every Saturday (or is this case Friday when we don't have classes) they show a movie in the Salon de Musica, and it basically becomes the place to go for couples or potential couples. And Arturo invited me to go with him. No, not the pouty, desperate Arturo. The good Arturo (who I just found out is the nephew of my Ecology teacher ...:\).

After the movie he played me romantic serenades on the piano and then we walked around the campus and played on the playground. It was pretty fun. And boring. But it's the dating life of an interno, I guess. Atleast now I can say that I at least went on one date during my five months in Mexico. (Wow, Almost five months with only one date, I don't think that's EVER happened. Haha).

It has surprised me though how God has given such a wide range of experiences here. From mini mission, to directing choirs, to singing solos, to taking Mexican law, to doing excessive chores, to teaching Family Home Evening, to Influenza Scares, Everything has been for my good. Even awkward Mexican dates. :)

Cositas

My brother who is serving his mission in Chile got to call my Mom on Mother’s Day, and I couldn’t.

Coming home for graduation and getting final grades is going to work out.

When I was teaching Family Home Evening, I finally told all the girls in my house about Erin. I cried so hard.

I taught them how to play FruitBasket. They loved it. And also made up their own rules.

I played basketball today.

I told the girls in my room about a boy I have a secret crush on here. Bad Idea. I can’t believe I forgot that Latinos don’t know how to keep secrets. Girls or Boys.

I am not going to read the next Twilight Books.

28 days left.

Crepúsculo

My "English" class this semester has been really random and no one knows what we are supposed to do, so I finally went and talked to the English coordinator yesterday and asked her personally and very specifically what was required. She told me I had to read and take four tests on two books in the next month. Knowing me, slowest reader on the planet, I did not know how that would be possible. Anyways, I practically ran to the library and looked at the minute collection of English books they had in stock...Shakespeare, More Shakespeare, Series of Unfortunate Events (the WHOLE series), some scary huge looking novel, and the Twilight series. I'd already read my share of Shakespeare in the first periodo and though I was tempted by the Series of Unfornunate Events, very tempted, I figured since I read those in fourth grade, I deserved a little bit more of a challenge. And my eyes wandered toward Twilight.

I started yesterday and fell asleep on page 150...Knowing me, that's pretty good. And pretty bad, I am now entwined in the vampire craze. In Mexico.

Latino Paranoia

Wednesday Night I arrived back at Benemérito ready to finish off a month of school and get away from the overdramatized Influenza (forgive me, “H1N1 Virus”) scare. I was not so pleasantly surprised when I arose Thursday morning.

Precautions Taken By Benemérito Staff and Students:
(This could make news with its ridiculousness)

1) We now have assigned seating in the Dining Room. We were each given a set of chlorine-cleaned dishes with a brand new glass. My set of dishes is for me and only me to use and after every meal I clean them thoroughly and replace them in my assigned place.
2) Face Masks are a requirement to enter school. If you do not have a mask you cannot enter classes, the library, the comedor, la cope, etc. While class is in session the mask must cover your nose and mouth completely and it is recommended that you change your mask every four hours.
3) If you sneeze or cough or complain of headache your fellow students are required to glare at you incessantly until the teacher recommends that you might want to see the nurse.
4) Every student is required to bring a rag to class and before and after each class the teacher will come around and spray disinfectant on your desk which you will then clean.
5) In order to use a computer in the library you must bring your OWN bottle of hand sanitizer and proceed to put it on in front of the supervisors. If your mask falls off, you will be asked to leave the area.
6) P.E. and Morning Aerobics will not be performed because of the close proximity of the students and the excessive breathing that occurs.
7) Lunch has been split into two segments so as to discourage the gathering of large groups of people. This change will take place in the casas as well as the comedor.
8) The traditional saludos of kisses on the cheek, hugs, handshakes, etc. will not be executed until we are formally notified. Touching at all is strongly discouraged.

In other words, this has been blown WAY out of proportion.

I hope that you can appreciate the privilege to breath, eat, greet, use computers, etc, as you please. Give an extra hug to someone this week :).

31 days 13 hours 51 minutes 08 seconds

My mom says I'm getting Trunky.

I had never heard the word before and was slightly offended.  It sounds a little risqué doesn't it?

Tomorrow my classes start again.  Even though I've done very little productively over the past few weeks, I can't say I'm looking forward to it.  One big month long stretch killing myself over grades and finishing work earlier and trying to please Mr. Fisher with my "Senior project" and preparing Musical numbers and still applying for Scholarships and trying to balance a hectic schedule....and then home.  That's what I'm looking forward too.

What an experience this has been.

We just returned from Guadalajara.  I can now say that I have been to five different states in Mexico and some of the most well known cities: Mexico City, Mexico,  Chilpancingo, Guerrero,  Tuxtepec, Oaxaca,   Villahermosa, Tabasco and Guadalajara, Jalisco.  If you count stops in between I can also count Cuernavaca, Toluca, Veracruz, Puebla, Oh, it's amazing!

I've gotten so much done in this short amount of time.  I hope that I have at least touched the people I have been blessed to know.  I know that I have learned so much from them.

34 13 34 18--I will treasure these moments.

Mexican Haircut and The Road Less Traveled

So I was going to ramble about the experience of getting a Mexican haircut today: the 20 minute hair-washing/massage that actually really creeped me out, trying to explain in Spanish haircutting terms in English, and then the surprise result with the old woman styling, but I am kind of in a pensive mood right now.  So I'll ramble about other things.

Right now my "I come home" Countdown reads 37 days, 21 hours, 58 minutes and 02 seconds.  It has amazed me how this experience has flown by.  April 1, my mom emailed me marking my halfway point and telling me that she had figured out that the grand total would come to 141 days away from home.  So much has happened since that halfway point.  

This was the RIGHT decision for me in my life.  At this age.  In these circumstances.  In these 141 days.  Everyday I learn something new and every day is a blessing.  

Early on in my experience here, I started a list on my computer of things that I am grateful for.  In reality, it was a kind of therapy.  A way of escaping the challenges I was facing and truly taking the time to think about things I appreciate.  I have also made a list of things that I have gained a greater appreciation for now that I've spent time here.  Things like Dishwashers, Internet and Driving, but also things like Moms, Dads and Loved Ones.  

God has kept me very busy on this adventure.  He has blessed me with time to work, time to serve, time to sing, time to walk, time to study, time to clean, time to testify.  But it's at times like this, when I can't sleep and have had days to think, that He gives me time to love.  To truly love.  To recognize all the blessings in my life and to praise Him for each and every one of them.  Time to cry for those who are lost, time to listen to those I care for, time to look upon the hearts of those he has blessed me to know and time to love them the way that he does.

I cried for the first time in a long time today.

  Yes, Because I am homesick, it's hard to be so close.  But also in gratitude.  How many people get to say that they have had the opportunities that I have had?  How many people can love and be loved in so many different parts of the world?  How many people know God the way that I do and can say that they have found true happiness?

Luckily, I am not the only one blessed to have found peace in that last question.  But there are so many more seeking.  To find God and to truly find God is the adventure of a lifetime.  Many come so close and yet fall at the last minute.  I wish I could always have the courage that God blessed me with on my mini-mission.  Life is that simple, finding happiness is that simple, but we HAVE to know where to look.

For those of you, who have just spent 10 minutes of your day reading this: Thank You.  I understand now, how precious time is, and I am grateful that you would make the sacrifice to allow me and my imperfect, superficial thoughts to be a part of your life.  But I ask now, that you would take 10 minutes more, nothing more than that, and change someone's life.  It really is that simple.  

I love you.  God loves you.  Press Forward with a Steadfastness in Christ.  Life was not meant to be easy, but we were meant to find love.  Real, Perfect, Godlike Love.  And if you have found it, please don't keep it to yourself.