Distracted by Beauty

Some of my favorite works of Art (things that have touched me):



Salvador Dali "Meditative Rose"


"Thought of You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBk3ynRbtsw&feature=fvst

This was in the Art Museum last winter semester. I could sit in front of it for hours. (by Michael Scoggins)


This Is Just to Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


"There Will Be Rest" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7ppLOOCiY0

Chasing Love

(the work previously known as "True Love Bah Humbug")

[Preface to the following piece: There is a folder hidden on my computer entitled "Splatter." In this folder, you will find all of the things I have written when I just need to write, none of which I ever intend to publish. They are just thinking pieces. I rifle through this folder at times when I am trying to refind myself, to retrace myself. I was doing just that earlier this week and stumbled upon this piece I wrote last March, yes, last March. It made me laugh, so I thought I'd share. Also, I think that maybe I should start taking my own advice. Anyways, Enjoy!]


True love may or may not be a myth. I believed in it until I hit my teen years.
There was a boy named Terry in my middle school band class and he had the most beautiful eyes, stunning, penetrating blue. We even called him after them: “Sexy eyes.”
I thought that I liked him. We used to talk on AOL Instant Messenger for hours on end. One day, as I was looking at my friend Ashley’s profile, envying the words dedicated to her boyfriend, (“i <3 cody”), Terry suddenly sent me a message.
“Rachel”
“Yeah?”
“There’s something I want to ask you.” My heart jumped at the possibility of this request.
“Yeah?” The anxiety was rising and my fingers began shaking, my heart leapt and I started perspiring in areas where I didn’t even know I had pores.
“Do you want to go out with me?”
The question I waited for so long was now on the screen before my eyes. He loved me as I loved him. I would be able to add those beautiful words to my profile “i <3 terry.” We would eat lunch together and walk around campus holding hands. I would no longer be the depressive, chubby girl. I was going to have my very own boyfriend.
As I typed my response, I hesitated. I knew my parents would not approve, but who cared? This was my one chance at true happiness!
“Yes,” I typed. Three solid letters were all I needed and my fate with him was sealed. He quickly signed off and I awaited the next day at school.

Long story short, turns out it was his friend, just playing a stupid prank on me.
So I stopped believing in true love.

Years later, when I lived on my own in Mexico for five months, I only went on one date. I was very afraid of lusty Latinos. Trying to create casual conversation, Arturo, my gentleman of a date asked, “Do you believe in Prince Charming?”
At first, I didn’t understand his wording. The phrase “Principe Azul,” which directly translated means “Blue Prince,” didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. After some questioning, and learning the proper translation of the words, I quickly responded, “No.”
He looked at me, bewildered.
“How can you not believe in a Prince Charming?”
“Well,” I responded coolly, my words slicing with feminist passion, “I don’t think there is just one man out there for me. I think that I could make it work with anyone.”
Baffled, he continued, “Do you believe in true love?”
“I suppose. I believe in God’s love, but I don’t believe that I have ever ‘truly loved’ anyone.”
Again he looked as though he was about to drop to his knees. Maybe it was just a symptom of the lusty Latino disease.

I’ve grown up a little since then and heck, I’ve had my heart broken a couple times. I’ve found men that I adore, but just aren’t right for me. And then I’ve found my dream god of a man, who doesn’t even pay me attention.
So, maybe true love exists, maybe it doesn’t. I won’t say that it exists for me, but I won’t deny it either. All I know is that I haven’t found my Hercules, and he probably won’t come crawling to me either. Love doesn’t work that way.
Even in the movies, a lot of effort goes into making that romance work. You have to find the perfect couple, with just the right chemistry. Physically, they are a good match, their speech patterns and body movements complement each other, and when it’s time for the kiss, the audience can feel the magic. In Hollywood, they create romance. I’m surprised to be saying this, but reality is no different.
If you want love, find it. If you want romance, chase it. If you have found the one of your dreams, embrace them. Don’t sit and wait for your Blue Prince or Sexy Eyes to roll around. You’ve got to fight for him.

Bruised Hearts

When you mess with my girls, you mess with me.

My best friends are the most amazing people and they don't deserve to be cast aside, disregarded, avoided, ignored, etc. In fact, what they deserve is praise, adoration, positive affirmation and love.

Do me a favor? When you look at people, look a little bit deeper. Beauty is so deep within people and sometimes we choose to ignore it. My girls are incredible girls and you loser boys are missing out by ignoring them.

No one deserves to be left alone, not nobody.

A Leaf in the River

Life is transitory. Things will and do change. This Thanksgiving, I worked. I was also away from my immediate family. Both firsts for me.

Yesterday my cousins, Kira and McKenzie, were playing with hole punchers that cut out shapes of people. Kira called for me to come look at their work, “Come see our timeline!” she said.
“A timeline? A timeline of what?”
McKenzie, embarrassed, hid it under the table and said, “It was Kira’s idea!”
She finally conceded to showing me and I read the title on top: “Timeline of Love.”

Later, when I came back to the table they had filled more of it in. The timeline started with the couple at Olive Garden, the boy sporting a blue “BYU Cougars” shirt. Next came their wedding, the girl dressed in white, “Look, I made her dress modest!” Kira explained. Next came the first baby, then “passing on.” The timeline was short, but it was precise. It was exactly the way that love works.

A cookie cutter life: The perfect BYU boy, the modest wedding dress, and the first baby.

Life is transitory. Things will and do change. That simple, perfect childhood dream changes and molds to fit who you need to become, who God needs you to become. You work on Thanksgiving. You gain a greater appreciation of family. You keep your eye out for the boy in the “BYU Cougars” shirt. You trust the changes and like a leaf flowing in the stream, you follow the flow of the river. After all, the Creator knows much better than you which current you should follow.

The Scriptures and The Savior

These are two HUGE lifesavers for me.

Everyday I am gaining a greater appreciation of what Christ really did for me.
I am so blessed.

Angels

I'm grateful for people who make me better everyday. For people who lift and inspire me, who make me set goals and expect me to stick to them. I'm grateful for people who are incredible exemplars of Christlike love. I can be like them.

Simplicity

"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him."
--Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

What I'd Like to Be Remembered By

This is a conversation I had with a kid at work:

Kid: "Do they bite?"
Me: "No, they're nice animals."
Kid: "Is that why they're always smiling?"
Me: "Haha, sure."
Kid: "Like you!!"

First things First

As fate would have it, both of my Grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary's were this summer. That meant that my family and I got to spend two weeks in Idaho and Utah with our extended Davis and Mickelsen relatives. This could not have been more perfect for me.

You see, when your family is all together, undisturbed by anything or anyone else, you realize how important they are. Sure, you're all quirky or loud or clumsy or opinionated, but in the end, you're all family. And when you're part of a family, you're part of something much bigger. Even with zero emotional attachment, you're part of someone else. And in the case of my big families, you're part of several someone else's. It's beautiful really. God knew that sometimes we would get lonely in this life, so he gave us an immediate safety net, an unwavering support group. And because of that, we must always remember, that Family comes first. Always. I believe it was Elder Nelson who said that Salvation is an individual matter, but Exaltation is a family matter.

Congratulations Grandma and Grandpa Mickelsen and Davis. It's really incredible what you've started.

Mountains

The mountains in Provo are beautiful. For the last eight months of my life they were the constant I needed. In a time of new experiences and great learning they served as a symbol of the steadfast nature of God. They reminded me that while the world around me was changing by the second, God is always there.

As I drove out of Provo, I looked again to the mountains and realized that from my home in California, I would no longer be able to see them. That physical symbol, that had comforted my heart for so long, would not be in plain sight.

Still, God is there. His power and influence is real. He loves us.
"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." --Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

One Day Without Shoes

What an incredible experience!

It was really fun to see the surprised looks on the faces of everyone else on campus staring at my barefeet. There may have been a total of 10 people on campus who took part in the movement, but I'm grateful that I did.


This little girl was the inspiration for my taking part in it. Coco and I decided to make shirts that helped describe our actions. She was on the front and on the back was the well-known Gandhi quote: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

My feet were pretty sore by the end of the day and pretty dirty too. I can't imagine going every single day barefoot. It's funny how easily we take little things like shoes for granted.

Today's challenge: Donate a pair of shoes, a shirt, jeans that you don't wear very often, whatever it is to a D.I. or a Salvation Army.
We really have SO very much and there are millions of people out there who would die to have what we do. And who may die without it.

Nevertheless

Happy and Beaming with Joy.
Life is good and everything is falling into place.
Actions that I once feared have turned into radiant blessings.
Smiles take over my face and I like it.
I like you and like that you read my heart.
Understanding is hugely important.
A prophet lives on the Earth today.
He is so wise.
Just be Kind.
Never, ever be Mean.
None of God's children deserve that.
Purple is starting to be a new favorite color.
I still can't believe that you read my whole blog, that only means the world to me.
Frugality is so enjoyable.
Indecisiveness is not.
Serving people always makes life more worthwhile.
To have Holy Places is very important.
We can make everywhere we stand a holy place.
English Teaching it is.
For now.
Jazz Music still sways my heart.
I love dancing.
I'm getting addicted to Post-it notes.
California is calling to me, very loudly.
I only drink water.
New shoes are fun.
I like to think of Isaiah as my "apple-a-day."
I'm pretty jealous of 19-year-old boys.
21 seems really far off.
Though, serving the Lord full time is completely worth the wait.
Nevertheless, I'll start now.
With Love.

Little Sister, Guardian Angel

The sunshine face and the child of God,
A run-away sleeping beneath the water.
A gentle laughter is her call
And she walks light-footed through the leaves.

She is unafraid and loves her mother,
She doesn’t cry and she doesn’t cough.
Not even two feet tall or aged,
But she knows her place and stands unmoved.

An example for the shallow in heart,
A timeless prophet, teacher, friend.
She will instruct and she will obey
And she is not wary of finality.

A sacrifice:
She fell in honest, willing, triumph
And dove into the water deep
Sealed forever in our family’s name.

A fate that I would not have chosen,
A fear that haunts me every night,
She is the courage, she is the heavens
And strict obedience was her plight.

She is all of us and she is gone.
She is nothing but fallen dust.
Who once brought sunshine now brings thunder
And broken hearts and hardened crust.

Find her in me you will not.
Find her in me you will.
She is a memory and a fable,
And is buried on a forgotten hill.

Her body fell into the water
As her spirit rose into the sky
He is her Savior, she is His daughter,
From heaven she sings his lullaby.

Coming Together

It's amazing how when you truly give God time in your life,
Real Time
Quality Time
Sacred Time
He gives ten fold back.

Things have really been coming together for me recently.
I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven.

Indecisiveness

I've been questioning my major a lot recently.

Then I realized that I've never actually been through the list of majors that BYU has to offer.

So I looked.

I wrote down anything that stood out to me.

That felt right.

Here's that list:

Every foreign language I saw is written on it.

Here's my most recent thought: (Thanks Mom)

Major: Spanish Teaching

Minors: English and History

Other: French elective credits with a semester abroad.

Yeah. I like the sound of it.

Advice? Please.

:)

Purity

I'm sick of the melodrama.

I'm sick of reality TV Shows.

I'm sick of desensitized justification.

I'm not judging. I promise.

It just hurts my heart. I don't want to let something so vile into my life.

I just want to let Him in.

I want purity, not reality TV.

Dear Javier,

and all my friends:

In Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare offers a brilliant explication of ideal love. Constant, Unwavering, and Powerful. Forgive me if I'm too poor of a friend to show that.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

This video is one of my favorites: What-Matters-Most

"We Should Not Assume, We Should Let Them Know."

I'm Sorry. I love you.

I love my family. Alot.

Things I Am Afraid Of

(This is not a gift to all of you cruel people out there who have some desire to frighten me. Rather, this is a thoughtful attempt to compile a list of all of my fears, quirks, oddities, etc. in hopes that in the process I may solve some of my problems :)

1. Needles, shots, injections of any kind

2. Walking into a Men's Restroom

3. The Dark

4. Hurting people

5. Losing things (material things, like leaving them somewhere by accident)

6. Losing people (hearts, like leaving them behind, or being abandoned by them)

7. Watching Someone Die

8. The Joker

9. Addictions

10. Evil disguised as good

11. Emotional Manipulation

12. Pride

13. Imperfection (in some things)

14. Making people fall in love with me

15. Being Responsible for/Managing Money

16. My subconscious competitiveness

17. Dressing Immodestly

18. Movies that are almost clean

19. Hospitals

20. Heights

21. The Smell of the Dentist's Office

22. Presenting myself openly for Criticism

23. My Parent's Disappointment

24. Holding Back the Truth from those I love

25. Forever

26. Not loving someone enough

27. Tearing someone away from God

28. Turning away from God

29. Rainbow Colored Goldfish

30. Forgetting

31. Shadows

32. Tripping in High Heels

33. A World without Color

34. Becoming Tone Deaf

35. Life without Romance

36. Knives

37. Close Friends becoming Enemies

38. Being Afraid

Art

I spent over an hour in the art museum today. It's incredible to me how someone can evoke so much emotion with nothing but a canvas and an array of colors.

That's what I want to do with my writing. Some paper, a pen, and all the words in the world. I could really change people.