Hit Me.

I've been up all night packing.

It really shouldn't have taken this long.

I'm driving up to college today. Leaving in a few hours actually.

I keep waiting for the reality of it to hit me. To sink in. I'm waiting for the tears to come. I said my goodbyes. Why is my heart not heavy?

This is Right. This is where I need to be in this point in my life.

It's time for a new adventure. For a new challenge. I feel like my life will kind of be a series of adventures and transitions for the next while. And I'm ready for that.

Bring it On.

Soul Searching

I just want to make right choices.

One of the lessons learned in Mexico:

It is just a good feeling knowing that you are doing what is right. Yeah, some days were harder than others. Sometimes I felt like I was never coming home.

In those moments I would just close my eyes and offer a silent prayer and such an overwhelming feeling of peace would come over me.

Sometimes in life we look for pleasure or for fun. But we forget to look for peace. Joy comes from peace. True happiness comes from peace. Sometimes we are so focused on "the moment," "living in the now" that we don't realize how much harm we are doing to our souls. The soul is something to be careful with. We only have one.

Doctrine teaches that the soul is made up of the spirit and the body. When we do anything to our body, it also affects our spirit.

I transported my body all the way to Mexico. In making the decision to go there I prayed and fasted diligently, looking for an answer, for an action. The prompting I received was "It is not meet that I should command in all things." I made my decision. It was right for Me, and it was worth it.

There is such a great peace that comes from doing God's will. I've been looking for that peace. But I think the prompting is about the same. To finish the verse "...For he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant" (D&C 58:26)

I want to be the Lord's servant and to dedicate my life to Him. In a few days I get to start over, just like Mexico. I pray that I will right any wrongs I have committed. I pray that I will improve myself daily. I pray that I will find P.E.A.C.E.

Memo to Self

It's pain-relieving

to listen to your own

Tears.

Moonlight

Sometimes your heart just needs to cry.  Your eyes well up until they spill, teardrops gliding gently down your cheeks.

You're not sad.  Just being.

You can not "be" without "being."

You are real.  You break.  You wish.  You dream.  You hurt.  You want.  You act.  You wonder.  You doubt.  You long.  You question.  You trust.  You are.

You are.

Tell me that you have never looked at the sky above and stopped breathing.

Tell me that you have never asked God, as your father, if he really exists.

Tell me that you have never dreamed of romance, of finding that one true love.

Tell me that you have never doubted what you already know to be true.

Tell me that you have never slipped up or made a mistake.

Tell me that you have never wanted to rewind, felt that pang of regret.

Tell me that you have never longed for something, knowing that it's not good for you.

Tell me that you have never wished selfishly.

Tell me that you have never examined your brain, looking for you.

Tell me that you have never listened to your thoughts as they race through your mind.

Tell me that you have never desired to stop.

To just stop for one moment.

To Breathe. 

To Feel.

To Be.

Really?

Whoever decided that it was legal to get SICK during the Summertime?

I thought that was impossible.  

Especially for me.  I never get sick.  

GAH!

(By the way--I love my life :)

Faith

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

--Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

He is the Way.  The Only Way.

My Heart is His.

freedom |ˈfrēdəm|

nounthe power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint

I love Abigail Howe.  Words can't explain how much I missed her.Recently, we've been spending alot of time together.  [This week especially since her show is over.] She is one of my favorite people to talk about religion with.
Anyone who knows me, knows that my religion, my faith, my standards, my beliefs: define who I am.   They make me, ME.
Last night, Abbey and I attended a Poway Interfaith presentation about the Mormon Church and the Roman Catholic Church.  There was a presentation on the basic beliefs of both churches and then a Question and Answer period afterwards.  At the end of the Q&A period, a older Jewish man stands up and says "I'm going to take the liberty to make a comment rather than a question."  He goes on to explain how blessed we are to live in this time.  To live in this day and age when we can calmly and openly discuss such different religions, with minds of tolerance and understanding.  
I had been thinking the same thing throughout the meeting and this older man's comment called my mind to serious reflection.  I have SO much.  The founders of this country, this great nation, came for religious freedom.  Religious persecution has and will continue to be a trend throughout the ages.  The cause of wars, rebellions, revolutions.  But more than that, religion is the cause of peace, joy, faith and hope.  In a troubled world, we need our faith more than anything.  We may not agree on details or specifics, but we can and must agree on one thing.  Jesus Christ is the son of God, and our Saviour and only through Him can we be saved. 
Men are free according to the flesh.  (2 Nephi 2:27)  Men have the gift agency.  Though this agency grants us the freedom to choose we must remember that it was NOT free.  Christ paid the price.  Christ suffered in Gethsemane.  He bled from every pore.  He died on the cross.  And what's more, He resurrected on the third day.  He gave us our freedom.  
I find this freedom when I feel the Spirit.  I exercise this freedom when I act on promptings of the Spirit.  All of God's children are entitled to receive revelation for themselves, thus, personal revelation.  My prayer is that we might not take for granted this unmerited gift.  That rather, we might exercise our own freedom, ask of God, and become His servants.
I am not perfect.  But I am free.  And I choose God.  I choose Faith.  I choose Joy.  I choose Peace.